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February 05 2010

February 04 2010

January 25 2010

January 14 2010

itrant

You have consulted me for the last time

There are times when it's appropriate to demand honor through the lost practice of dueling.  I sometimes wish that I had ceremonial pistols by which another individual and I could march off ten paces and then test the nation's health care system.  This usually happens when I have to work with a consultant.

I believe that "consultant" is a business practice somewhere between politics and late night TV talk host working with NBC (that reference will be really dated in a year).  Basically, you can't be sure whether they're lying, incompetent, or merely trying to take your place.  In any event, working with a hired consultant is sometimes like sticking your genitals in a blender.

In certain tech departments, consultants are simply a way of life.  Certain networking needs or specific skill sets are required but training a staff member may not be a good investment, either in money or time.  If something only needs to be done infrequently or once, it probably makes sense to bring in someone else.  However, that person is seen as *the* guru.  He or she is *the* expert.  Somehow, we find a way to forget that he or she has been brought in for one job.  We only need one aspect of their expertise, usually.

Frankly, some consultants only have one area of expertise.  It tends to be something necessary and lucrative, but too esoteric for other people to bother with.  Because this works out so well, they can become complete and utter morons in other areas of basic knowledge.  This is my experience with consultants.

I'll occasionally have a consultant come in and make a remark about some network feature that I'm administrating or a computer that I've configured or a repair that I've done.  Great.  You know what?  You're the database guy.  Go work on the damn database.  I haven't found any useful criticism from an offhand remark from a consultant because they don't have any clue what our system is.  Most of the time, things work a certain way for a reason.  I haven't seen any consultants that we've needed often enough to actually get to know the network and needs of the users.

Unfortunately, consultants are "experts."  I have to take the time to evaluate all of their helpful tips, regardless of how asinine they are.  Most of the time, it sounds like someone read a back page article in a tech magazine and decided to share the wealth.  Jackasses.

December 18 2009

December 17 2009

December 16 2009

December 14 2009

December 13 2009

December 11 2009

itrant

"We Fight for Freedom, and Windows Vista Is F*cking Us Up"

There should be an IT desk *at the base* that can ignore his request for a few weeks.  Also, Excel is a high-grade military tool?  Depressing.

December 10 2009

itrant

The light won't blink

A user called today to complain that her printer was frozen. The green light wasn’t blinking and it refused to print anything. Sure enough, when I got there, the light wasn’t blinking. It also wasn’t supposed to. This particular printer only blinks when it’s doing something. It turns out that this lovely lady was printing to a shared printer in another room, not to the printer on her desk. The fix was a brief lecture on choosing printers.

December 07 2009

itrant

I should have known better

I just got done helping a user with why no one could send her email. She complained that she wasn’t receiving email and nothing was bouncing back to the senders. My first thought went to the spam filter. Of course, she had never bothered to set it up even though that was an IT requirement. We went through configuring her spam filter and the 1k+ spam emails that she’s received in the last few weeks but didn’t see any of the missing (real) emails.

Before I go further, I need to make this disclaimer: I’m an idiot. My first inclination should have been to assume that the user is the idiot. Instead, it was my second inclination. I shouldn’t have bothered with the spam filter. I should have just assumed that she didn’t know how to use her email client. Whenever I give a user the benefit of a doubt, I’m almost always wrong.

And so we launcher her email client. Sure enough, everything looked like it should except for one thing. She wasn’t sorting her emails by date. The emails that were shown were in chronological order, but date ordering was secondary. And since she never deleted any messages, the several hundred in her inbox prohibited her from actually seeing the new ones in the sea of unread old ones. Sure, she could have used the search feature, but let’s start slow. As soon as I clicked the header to sort the emails by date, her missing emails from this week suddenly appeared!

Now, I have to love people like this. They are what give me a job. Sorting emails is like magic. Now she can see the date for her daughter’s recital and emails from church. She’s every so thankful that I “fixed” her email. I’m consoling myself that I didn’t have to waste 30 minutes explaining spam filtering, but at least it’s set up.

December 04 2009

itrant

A quarter-inch fix

Just the other day, I was called out because a particular printer needed to be repaired. Apparently, the first sheet would feed perfectly but the subsequent sheet would turn sideways and jam. The fix was exceptionally simple.

The paper feeder had been bumped and the guide that holds the papers in place was off by about a quarter-inch. I pushed the guide flush against the paper and there were no more jam.

I'm reminded of something I read a while back in that younger people were better at technology because they weren't afraid to try things. Older people are afraid of breaking something. Since I'm always fixing something mind-numbingly stupid like this, I recommend that no person over the age of 35 be allowed to use a computer unless they're actively engaged in high risk behavior or thrilling extracurricular activities.
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